time for some Private Reflection- my personal battle, my downfall, my rising

i moonwalked over it!!!

on the set of the show "Friends"

honestly, I wanted this hollywood trip to be so smooth. i was nervous to have it all come together. all the logistics, the planning, just everything. i often travel alone and have an amazing journey (i was alone in Paris, Atlanta New York, Caribbean) but this time i had my son with me. I didn't want him to see mommy screw up. I didn't want to let him down and miss my flight or look like i was lost in LA.

I didn't tell many people that i was going because i was worried i may fail, but the other side of me knew i wouldn't fail. I rarely do. When I have faith in myself and the Lord, when I chill out, i don't fail. so why did i doubt myself?

i guess it was my first time taking a huge risk in a long time. I had alot riding on this. i take many risks but this was the first time i would expose myself through my social media blog and potentially fail. That was my fear but also the fuel i used to push myself.

I was also having a hard time at work and not sleeping, not eating, anxious thoughts so it put more doubt in my mind.

but sure enough, i blocked out all that negative self doubt when i was in LA. I was true to me. i did what I always do. Travel with veeeery little to work with which forces myself to find my way, feel out the city, feeling lost but eventually falling on my feet. This sharpens my intuitive skills, it's how i get through life.

My son and i got around with just a map and gut instinct. I want to groom him to be an avid traveler!

getting ready to board our flight!

i was fearless in this city. went there with no frills, little funds, bare minimum but lots of confidence.

my journey...my path to peace

funny that's when it all came together. When i didn't care what people thought. I was Karen Carrington, a woman who has a story. A story that i noticed people find interesting around the world. People were following me online. I didn't just want attention on the internet, i noticed this my opportunity to share my struggles and successes and hopefully help someone out there who went through something similar. 

i lost alot in 2011-2013. My mother passed away and i was on sick leave for other health related issues.I felt as though I was in constant financial despair and my heart, my spirit and my mind just didn't feel aligned

I went down to my lowest point in sept 2012, my divorce was a tough blow. An explosion in my face, as though the earth fell from under my feet. The air was blown out of my chest. my world shattered as i once knew it. but i had to fall that hard, i now see why that happened, it was the beginning of the new me. God took everything away that i thought was best or me, but He knew i was made for something bigger, better. And that's exactly what i have now. A more abundant life that i rebuilt, reshaped, replanted, restarted.

2014 was a new beginning. i embraced my loss and turned it around as a positive life lesson. i used that pain as the foundation for the uphill battle.

People like hearing what i have to say, i'm reeeeeally funny, and i dramatize and elaborate. i make the stories colorful and explosive but keep them true, pure and genuine..

I was knocked down for that in the past by a handful of people...told i was too dramatic, too passionate, too whatever...too something blah blah...only to finally realize i intimidated that person. i was too much of a handful for them to handle. my funny dramatic stories perhaps made them feel inferior because their esteem was low. i too struggled with low self esteem, thinking my life was such a silly joke one episode after another. Always some funny azz drama! Only to realize that's the point! people like hearing the truth.

then i thought but if i blog or put it on facebook OMG! some will gossip about me though???!!!! and gossip about my life failures that they read!  i don't want them to know all that stuff.

guess what? I cant stop that, people will gossip if they wish, heck! i gossip...

but if i can help another person through my online personal journal or blog then my work on earth is done.

women, listen when i say this, and men you can listen up too.....never change who you are for anyone. stay true to you. don't let someone make you feel like you cant do it. don't be intimidated by those voices who say you're not good enough.

you are!

Ezra 10:4 ^"Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it.”

we made it!