my hard time letting go, but i had to

OMG!!!!!!! i was swimming on the island of coco cay and spotted this gorgeous seashell!!! it was just floating there in the water staring at me as i stared back at it. it was sooo beautiful and shiny. I screamed! it was a beautiful treasure glistening in the sun, a precious shell just unclaimed? why didnt anyone see this? it was huge!!! how could it just be there waiting for me? that's how i feel alot in life....finding a beautiful thing and wondering why it was meant for me? do i deserve it? is it true? will it last?

i'm a mermaid!!!

oh, btw there was a live fish in the shell so i couln't fly over seas back home with it and a local fisherman advised me it should stay in its home natural water. I was sad i couldn't bring it home!!! boooohoooo, seriously?! it was mine! but honestly, it wasn't. just like a lot of things in life i had to let it go.

i slowly walked into the ocean and threw it as far as i could and made a wish while it was in the air. I wished that i could let go of things in life just like that shell. But sometimes that's easier said than done huh. There are things in my past that had really hurt me and it still pains me until today. I cry or just feel numb when i reminisce about some of the things i lost or failed at. but i have grown ALOT over the past few years. in one year, my mom died, i wasn't close to my father or grandmother so i felt detached and lost, my divorce was painful, my son moved away to start his life and i missed him and needed him, my bff died and my new home flooded, i worked 2 jobs and had to rebuild all the pieces...my life spiraled downhill in a pool of loss and pain. i never had to be so strong. EVER!!! my survival tool was to let it all go and let God take over the wheel. It was the only way I made it through. I had to just push through believing that i will see better days and blessings are in my future.

the bible speaks about letting go:

Luke 9:62 "But Jesus said to him, “No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.”

bottom line...there's no looking back if i want to go forward to heaven, let go just like i let the seashell go....there are other new treasures and memories waiting for me in life! i go after my dreams and have faith! 

Trust me, anything suffering you face, it will be a blessing for you. I pray for you that you will see brighter days!!! I'm hoping my online very "open" diary will touch someone's heart and my testimony will help them. Thats my desire...